HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
