And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
