I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
