Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
