whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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