we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
