I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
