1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
