My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
