All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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