I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
