Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
