so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
