Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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