Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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