I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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