Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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