No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
