The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
did i just pee glitter
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
