My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
