A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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