You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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