Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
