It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
