He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
