So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
