What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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