whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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