Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
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..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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