Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
