I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
