So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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