I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
