My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
