I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
