Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
