I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
