I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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