Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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