Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
