I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
