I cannot find my penis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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