Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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