As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
