I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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