I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
