i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
