Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
