Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
