let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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