If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
