I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
