Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
