I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
