she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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